http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/ en josh@heyjosh.com Copyright 2011 2011-12-07T16:51:19+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/what-your-teens-cell-phone-can-teach-them-about-discipline-self-control/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/what-your-teens-cell-phone-can-teach-them-about-discipline-self-control/#When:16:51:19Z I learned the hard way that self control is THE primary skill every teenager must master in order to emerge into adulthood successfully. When I was a young lad of eighteen, preparing for a an epic summer of fun, someone gave me a checkbook. Sweet! Free money, right? So I started writing checks for all different sorts of things. I could finally buy the clothes and music and DVDs that I’d been wanting but was too lazy to work and earn the money for! By summers end, my screwed-up money situation came to a crashing halt, I actually ended up writing over $10,000 worth of bad checks! As I’m driving along one day rocking to some music (that I probably paid for with a bad check), I get pulled over by a cop. I was going 70 in a 55-mile-per-hour zone, so I figured I was getting a ticket for at least $200, which was a lot more cash than I had in my empty checking account at the time. Even worse was the matter of my car insurance because, well, I wasn’t sure I really had any, since I’d been sending bad checks to pay for it. And in my town, driving without insurance is a criminal offense. I prayed that maybe the nice state trooper wouldn’t notice... “Young man, I need you to step out. You’ve got a problem bigger than a speeding ticket.” He brought me to the back of the patrol car and told me to put my hands on the trunk. He then took my wrists, one at a time,  pulled them back, and slid steel handcuffs on me. NEXT STOP: JAIL That’s right, folks. I was a jailbird, a criminal, a felon, a convict, an outlaw, a delinquent... you get the point. I don’t blame anyone for my behavior, however, it would have been wonderful if someone went out of their way to pull me aside and teach me about money before I got in this mess. No one taught me about checkbooks or how ATMs are not magical money machines (who knew?). Because I never made a plan for myself, I ended up learning the hard way. After a night in jail swapping stories with Cyclone (a hardened convict/tattoo artist who gave me my first tattoo- of a fire truck- on my forehead), I knew I had to make some changes in my life. I’m kidding about the tattoo, by the way. But that night in jail shook me up. I needed to develop self control. “Discipline & self-control leads to success as an adult.” - Josh Shipp Summertime is the best TIME to learn self control We shouldn’t expect students to be successful with managing privileges when they are without basic self control skills during the most impulsive time neurologically in their life. In the adolescent brain emotions trump self-control unless trained to do otherwise. Research shows that summertime is an ideal time to challenge students to exercise their independent decision making muscles. School is, by design, punctiliously structured in order to establish a circadian rhythm within each student that helps the staff maintain order. Predictability and routine are paramount to a students sense of safety and control. Adversely, this type of mandated structure can potentially rob the teen from learning impulse management. This is why I am convinced that summertime is the best time to help students with self governance and goal setting skills. They have little structure and massive amounts of time to expend creating a petri dish for prodigality. Technology is the best TOOL to learn self control If you want to give a teenager the ultimate test for self control, challenge them to be purposeful about every minute of their technology usage this summer. A recent Kaiser Family report tells us today’s 8-18 year old spends an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes a day using entertainment media (more than 53 hours a week). But this statistic doesn’t tell the whole story. Because students today are savvy enough to “media multitask” (using more than one medium at a time), they actually pack a total of 10 hours and 45 minutes’ worth of media content into those 7 ½ hours. And with the school break, we can only imagine how much time they can pack in over the summer hours. Stats like these make most of us – whether educators, parents, or both, raise our eyebrows. In fact, this astronomical usage of technology just might make you want to ban anything with electricity from your students. Listen closely- don’t do that. Recently I challenged a group of students that I work with to go on a tech-free diet, and it did NOT go over well. Seriously, by the look on their faces you would of thought that I drove a bus full of kittens off a cliff. For a moment, I was actually afraid for my life. I slowly backed away from the adolescent lynch mob and decided to research the effects of technology on youth a wee bit more. I was convinced that my google scholar search was going to signal gloom-and-doom for our kids. Right? Perhaps not. A recent report by the MacArthur Foundation, which included more than 800 U.S. parents and teenagers in a three-year study, opposes the common view that surfing the internet, social networking, and playing media games are always counterproductive for young people. The study’s author, Dr. Mimi Ito, states, “They are learning how to communicate online, craft a public identity, create a home page, post links. All these things were regarded as sophisticated ten years ago, but young people today take them for granted.” Dr. Ito states that students connect today through social networking and online forums, replacing former gathering places at the mall or parks. The internet also provides students the opportunity to move from social networking to expanding their interests: exploring digital media and “geeking out” by diving into specialized areas of interest, such as animation, gaming, business, or music production. We can’t get rid of technology, nor should we. It is a fantastic tool when used properly and is obviously here to stay. We should, however, help them regulate their usage of this tantalizing tool. How? Making them change their online habits will most certainly backfire. As a teen behavior expert, I have learned that forcing students to do anything invites rebellion; however, offering them alternative choices with comparative outcomes invites thinking. 5 Alternative Choices For Technology Usage:     1.    Social/Mobile Gaming. Instead of building an imaginary “Farmville” with people who don’t know or care about you, play games that your loved ones will like. (Example: Words with Friends.) Only play with those who you care about and desire to spend more time with. If you help your grandpa download a game application of his choosing to his nifty new iPhone, you will spend more quality time having fun with him this summer than the sum of all previous efforts. Deepen the relationships that matter by using fun games that keep you connected.          2.    Social Network Promotion. You could waste time recruiting fans for your pointless fanpage called “I feel my phone vibrate when it doesn’t”. Or you could create a page for a summer project that could have a positive community impact, such as a fan page for a worthy nonprofit organization or an individual or family with a medical or financial need. Consider local soup kitchens, homeless shelters, outreaches to the poor, literacy and educational programs, etc. How can technology and social networking be put to use to assist them? Think about the issues and outreaches that other students are currently involved in or interested in. How can you rally their efforts to create an “army of support” for an organization or individual?     3.    Create Social/Political Awareness. You could slandering the name of politicians or ex-friends that you despise and promote hatred and division. Or you could be positive in all of your communication. T.H.I.N.K before you post. Ask yourself “Is what I am about to post TRUE, HELPFUL, INSPIRING, NECESSARY, or KIND?” If you don’t pass that filter test, don’t post it. The more positive you are, the more positive others will be towards you. It’s called “the law of reciprocity” and you will be blown away at how kindness attracts more kindness.     4.    Post YouTube Videos: You could waste hours watching videos of cats being trapped in mailboxes (don’t judge me) or you could start a YouTube channel offering advice about common youth issues like peer pressure and relational drama. Be a leader and an example to other young people. You would be amazed at how many young people are looking for answers to problems. YouTube is the third most used search engine online. If you post a helpful video and tag it correctly, you will attract youth that need help.     5.    Set Online Boundaries: You could keep your gadgets on 100% of the time, driving you to utter exhaustion and over-stimulation with countless alerts. Or you could set strict boundaries with all of your gadget usage. Make time in your week to help out around the house, get a job, or spend quality time with your family. Don’t allow gadget addiction to own your life. Prove that you have power over the need to be connected by giving yourself just a few hours a day to connect online with those who matter. Spend the rest of your time enjoying “old school” summer pleasures like fishing in solitude, hiking with a group, or face to face conversation with your best friend. Practice makes improvement The Interdisciplinary Research Consortium on Stress, Self-Control and Addiction (IRCSSA) based at the Yale Stress Center (YSC) has collaborated with over 50 leading scientists to develop new prevention and treatment strategies to enhance self-control, and decrease addictive behaviors. Their findings have shown empirical evidence that self control is a renewable resource that can be increased through suitable “exercise.” Self control is like a muscle that can be strengthened and improved. If we can help students manage their most valued tool (technology) during the most expendable season of their year (summer), they will be better prepared to exercise self control in many other areas. Mastering self governance will prove to be foundational to make wise and healthy choices in the coming year, and for the rest of their life.   ____________   Josh Shipp is an internationally recognized Teen Behavior Expert & host of JUMP SHIPP on Halogen. He has spoken at Harvard, Stanford and to over two million teens and parents. CLICK HERE to Work With Josh 2011-12-07T16:51:19+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/dear-teen/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/dear-teen/#When:18:16:11Z Let's be honest: Having a conversation with a teen can be tough sometimes. Challenging. Down right frustrating. I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU... I've done the work for you and created a fill-in-the-blank letter for you to have an OPEN CONVERSATION WITH YOUR TEEN. DOWNLOAD the "DEAR TEEN LETTER TEMPLATE" HERE Good luck! Josh P.S. I'd love to hear your comments about how you use this letter. 2010-04-05T18:16:11+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/top-10-trends-for-teens-in-2010/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/top-10-trends-for-teens-in-2010/#When:18:30:06Z   Hey everybody! Perhaps you're already familiar with the brilliant work of my friend Vanessa Van Petten over at RadicalParenting.com. If you're not, well, today you're in for a treat. I invited her to share her insights into what she believes will be the Top 10 Trends for Teens in 2010 and she gladly and skillfully obliged...Without further ado, I give you youthologist, author, and manager of RadicalParenting.com, Vanessa Van Petten!   I love following teen and tween trends for parents and adults to keep up on what teens are doing. We asked our teen interns what they think is going to be big this year.  Here are some odd and flat out bizarre trends and behaviors I am seeing in teens in 2010. 1. Daylighting I actually love this trend.  This is a play on Moonlighting when people take a second job to supplement their income. Daylighting is when people take day jobs (or regular jobs) to supplement their living they make at night. Typically this is writing, painting or acting.  It is a way of switching the focus from “I am a waiter and act on the side” to “I am an actor and wait on the side.” This is hugely popular for teens and twenty-something entrepreneurs and artists who need to work ‘mainstream’ jobs during the day to keep their alternative, and more fulfilling night lifestyle. 2. It’s Social to Be Sad When did it become cool to be sad? It is way cooler right now to love the rain than the sun.  Complaining seems to be the new social lubricant–teens use it to start conversations, build relationships and bond. 3. Not Slackers, Sprinters I always here older generations call Gen Y’s (me) and Gen Z’s (teens and tweens) procrastinators.  I want to make a correction here.  It is true, many of my generation put off work and sometimes do not get it done at all, yet I find that we are more bursty than previous generations and this can be leveraged! Instead of working long hours with slow progress, you see teens today working in bursts, quickly and effectively but in shorter time. Think sprinters rather than long distance runners. 4. Intergeneration Gaming I recently heard a mom say that she has to play video games while the kids are at school to ‘level up’ and catch up to them so they can all play on the same level when at home. The Wii has also made it cool for parents and kids to play games together. When dad travels, he logs onto World of Warcraft and bonds with his son via WOW chat instead of calling home. 5. Sheepwalking Unfortunately many teens are desperately searching for their passions and ultimate meaning.  When they can’t find it, many of them give-up and follow the corporate, parental or counselor written path.  I call this sheepwalking…following what is in front of you because it is where you are supposed to go and often inducing sleep from the creativeless and mindless work you do. 6. Awkward is the New Normal I asked a few of my teen writers what they thought of Michael Sera (I thought awkward, geeky, funny) they said “Hot!” Awkward is the new normal, according to my sister, a freshman in college, the most awkward guy on her hall “Awkward Brian” is also the most popular. 7. 3rd Life 1st life is a kid at home, 2nd life is a kid’s life at school, 3rd life is a kid with their friends and now there is 4th life.  The complete area or a kid’s life that deals with netiquette, e-tact, online photos and chat. They have favorite areas they hang out in online (like the cafeteria at school, the living room at home and the ice rink in town), people they like only for online social time and persona’s and reputations they display on their profiles. 8. Old School is New School I wrote a post on this rising trend: New (or Old) Teen Trend: Oldies and Nostalgia. When one of my teen clients proudly showed me her Sesame Street sheets. Slinkies, Bedazzlers and Slap bracelets will be on everyone’s Christmas list next year! 9. Grandparents I know this sounds weird (these are the weirdest trends), but more and more teens are talking about, visiting and honoring their grandparents.  I see this in a number of ways: Teens get a kick out of teaching the generations of yesteryear how cool their new gadget is.  Parents are burnt out, friends already have it too, but grandparents give the right amount of genuine oohs and aahs because they really have never seen an iPhone do that. ”My Grandma is hogging the Wii” one of my teen interns said when chatting with me about how she can’t play her Wii, but loves watching Grandma.  Grandparents also have time for kids and can even be more open-minded than parents. Retro is in! Raiding or cleaning out Grandma’s garage or attic has never been more exciting with the recent popularity of vintage and old school tshirts coming in this year. 10. Cuddling for Funsies Funsies is a new word I hear teens use a lot, it is just a variation on fun, but implies a smaller joy. Cuddling is the new hug. You see purely platonic teens at school often cuddling up against each other in the hallways at school or on the couch during a movie. Again, just for funsies. Mostly we have an exciting year to look forward to.  Our teens will be commenting on how their year is every week and what adults can do about it!   Vanessa Van Petten, youthologist and teen author of the parenting book “You’re Grounded!,” manages RadicalParenting.com, a parenting blog written by 60 teen writers, ages 12-20 to help parents and adults get an honest and open view into the world and mind of youth. Van Petten's work and blog have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Teen Vogue, CNN, Fox News, CBS Miami and much more! 2010-02-19T18:30:06+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/everyone-needs-a-role-model/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/everyone-needs-a-role-model/#When:19:18:19Z Everyone needs a role model. I don't care if you're 28, 68, or 18.I want to introduce you to a friend of mine, Josh Sundquist. He's an incredible role model for humans of any age. : ) Josh lost his leg to cancer when he was a kid, but in high school he started ski racing, and THEN he was named to the U.S. Paralympic Ski Team! Check out this video... (2 minutes) Josh's amazingly inspiring book, Just Don't Fall: How I Grew Up, Conquered Illness, and Made It Down the Mountain, was just released.I had the priviledge of reading a pre-release copy and I highly suggest you get a copy. It's funny, heart-warming, and very inspiring. Click HERE to order JOSH's book on AMAZON.com I'd love to hear what you think of it! 2010-01-26T19:18:19+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/how-celebrities-can-help-you-get-through-to-teens/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/how-celebrities-can-help-you-get-through-to-teens/#When:18:42:35Z With Teens it's important you talk to them about what they CURRENTLY care aboutnot what they should EVENTUALLY care about. It's all about seeing the opportunity for conversation.Talk to them about topics they are interested in, and then you can naturally progress the conversation to topics that are important to you. Honesty, integrity, work ethic, etc.Here's a great opportunity in a video I recently discovered. Utilize the power of celebrity.  STEP 1 // Watch this video. It's of Will Smith. It has some great information in it and if you're gonna have a conversation about it...well, you'll need to have seen it : ) STEP 2 // Email the teen in your life a link to this video.  With a really casual note. Something like, "Who knew Will Smith was such a cool guy. I think you'll enjoy this. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70" STEP 3 // When appropriate ask a few casual follow-up questions. Hey did you get a chance to check out that video I sent you of Will Smith?  What are some things you think made him successful?  What did you take away from the video? THREE easy steps. And you'll be having meaningful conversation about life and goals and meaning. Happy 2010, // Josh Shipp P.S. What sorta "out of the box" strategies have you used to open up conversation about important topics? Please comment below. 2010-01-15T18:42:35+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/forget-resolutions-set-goals/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/forget-resolutions-set-goals/#When:00:40:54Z Hello again! I recently wrote a post over on heyjosh.com (my advice blog for teens) on three ways to "kick 2010 in the face" (which is just my way of saying "have a really solid year you can be totally proud of"). Anyway, I thought you might enjoy reading it. The new year is a great opportunity to talk to your teens about goals. Ask them about their goals for the year (and beyond); tell them about yours. Maybe you can help each other out and encourage each other. Accountability is super important for reaching goals, whether you're a teen or a grown-up like yourself. Go ahead. Open up. Ask questions. See what happens. // josh 2010-01-08T00:40:54+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/2010-were-sooooo-glad-to-see-you/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/2010-were-sooooo-glad-to-see-you/#When:21:40:01Z Welcome to 2010 everyone, and thank you for your time and participation in 2009 to really connect with teens and give them your support, advice, and guidance to be their best..."them" : )  But we're only getting warmed up...I've got a ton of really useful content and information for you in the works and I hope to support each and every one of you in your efforts to really reach and connect with teens in authentic ways that empower them to make good choices. I really look forward to doing all I can to give you the tools and insights you need to make 2010 the best year ever for that teen in your life and for your life as well. Here's to a new year, and a new decade! Welcome. // josh 2010-01-05T21:40:01+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/happy-thanksgiving/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/happy-thanksgiving/#When:02:02:30Z Hey everybody! I just wanted to write a quick note to thank you all for visiting this site, using these resources, and making a commitment to help teens. It's been an exciting year for me and every time I stop to think about it I realize I have a lot to be thankful for. This year, you guys have been a big part of that and I'm so excited to see this community grow in the days and years to come. I'd encourage you, as you spend time with your families tomorrow, not to get caught up in the craziness of preparing tons and tons of food, playing host or hostess, or the stress that so often comes with big family get-togethers, and just take a few minutes to stop, sit back, close your eyes, and just smile. Soak it up. ENJOY IT. No matter what your circumstances, you have something—or someone—to be thankful for. You might be broke, or stressed, or sick, or your family may be driving you crazy and, let's be honest, you often can't really control those things. But in the midst of that, never underestimate the power of gratitude. Being thankful—truly appreciating what you have—really helps put everything in perspective. Odds are, you'll find a measure of peace and contentment. And in those moments, the hope and joy to carry on. // josh P.S. If you're thankful for someone (*cough* the teens in the your life *cough*), or something someone did, tomorrow is a perfect excuse to tell them how much they mean to you. Take advantage of that. : ) 2009-11-26T02:02:30+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/the-identity-forum-is-now-open/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/the-identity-forum-is-now-open/#When:23:07:52Z The IDENTITY Forum is now open! I created this space especially for those of you who've demonstrated your commitment to helping teens by purchasing a copy of my IDENTITY program. It's designed to be a place where you can give and get advice from other people like you on communicating with and positively influencing teens...and, yes, I’ll be joining the conversation. : ) Like I've said, I'm committed to making myself available to answer questions, celebrate victories, and just be there for you as a personal resouce. But this isn’t just about me helping you; this is about us helping each other. Whatever your situation, you’re not alone. And I believe each of you has something valuable to bring to the table. On my own, I don’t have all the answers, but working together, there’s no limit to the amount of good we can do in the lives of teens. Click here to get started! Talk soon! // josh 2009-11-23T23:07:52+00:00 http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/a-better-way-to-keep-tabs-on-teens/ http://grownups.heyjosh.com/blog/entry/a-better-way-to-keep-tabs-on-teens/#When:14:00:38Z My friend Vanessa over at Radical Parenting recently announced a new iPhone app I think you guys are going to love. It's called iCurfew and it's TOTALLY worth the $0.99 she's charging. As its name implies, it provides a super easy way for kids and parents to check in with each other remotely. Kids simply use iCurfew to send their exact, real-time location to their parents in an email. Why is this amazing? Lots of reasons, but I'll pick two: 1) it means parents no longer have to worry, wondering if their kids are really out where they say they are; and 2) it helps build trust and encourage open communication. This isn't a microchip you embed in a teen's neck or a GPS tracking device they wear on their ankle like someone on house arrest. It's an accountability and communication tool that requires responsibility and mutual participation. Very cool. Plus, even if you don't have a teen or aren't losing sleep wondering if they're lying to you about where they were last night, iCurfew makes it really easy for you to send your location to a friend. Maybe you're meeting at a restaurant, or you're out somewhere or don't want to send your home address; just send them your location using iCurfew and they'll receive a map directly to you, wherever you are! (Really handy for pick-ups!) You can read more about the app here...or by visiting the iTunes Store and searching for iCurfew. // josh 2009-10-28T14:00:38+00:00