HeyJosh for Grown-ups

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CELL PHONE: The Ultimate Teacher of Discipline & Self-Control?

I learned the hard way that self control is THE primary skill every teenager must master in order to emerge into adulthood successfully.

When I was a young lad of eighteen, preparing for a an epic summer of fun, someone gave me a checkbook. Sweet! Free money, right? So I started writing checks for all different sorts of things. I could finally buy the clothes and music and DVDs that I’d been wanting but was too lazy to work and earn the money for! By summers end, my screwed-up money situation came to a crashing halt, I actually ended up writing over $10,000 worth of bad checks! As I’m driving along one day rocking to some music (that I probably paid for with a bad check), I get pulled over by a cop. I was going 70 in a 55-mile-per-hour zone, so I figured I was getting a ticket for at least $200, which was a lot more cash than I had in my empty checking account at the time. Even worse was the matter of my car insurance because, well, I wasn’t sure I really had any, since I’d been sending bad checks to pay for it. And in my town, driving without insurance is a criminal offense. I prayed that maybe the nice state trooper wouldn’t notice...

“Young man, I need you to step out. You’ve got a problem bigger than a speeding ticket.”

He brought me to the back of the patrol car and told me to put my hands on the trunk. He then took my wrists, one at a time,  pulled them back, and slid steel handcuffs on me.

NEXT STOP: JAIL

That’s right, folks. I was a jailbird, a criminal, a felon, a convict, an outlaw, a delinquent... you get the point. I don’t blame anyone for my behavior, however, it would have been wonderful if someone went out of their way to pull me aside and teach me about money before I got in this mess. No one taught me about checkbooks or how ATMs are not magical money machines (who knew?). Because I never made a plan for myself, I ended up learning the hard way.

After a night in jail swapping stories with Cyclone (a hardened convict/tattoo artist who gave me my first tattoo- of a fire truck- on my forehead), I knew I had to make some changes in my life. I’m kidding about the tattoo, by the way. But that night in jail shook me up. I needed to develop self control.

“Discipline & self-control leads to success as an adult.” - Josh Shipp

Summertime is the best TIME to learn self control

We shouldn’t expect students to be successful with managing privileges when they are without basic self control skills during the most impulsive time neurologically in their life. In the adolescent brain emotions trump self-control unless trained to do otherwise. Research shows that summertime is an ideal time to challenge students to exercise their independent decision making muscles. School is, by design, punctiliously structured in order to establish a circadian rhythm within each student that helps the staff maintain order. Predictability and routine are paramount to a students sense of safety and control. Adversely, this type of mandated structure can potentially rob the teen from learning impulse management.

This is why I am convinced that summertime is the best time to help students with self governance and goal setting skills.

They have little structure and massive amounts of time to expend creating a petri dish for prodigality.

Technology is the best TOOL to learn self control

If you want to give a teenager the ultimate test for self control, challenge them to be purposeful about every minute of their technology usage this summer. A recent Kaiser Family report tells us today’s 8-18 year old spends an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes a day using entertainment media (more than 53 hours a week). But this statistic doesn’t tell the whole story. Because students today are savvy enough to “media multitask” (using more than one medium at a time), they actually pack a total of 10 hours and 45 minutes’ worth of media content into those 7 ½ hours. And with the school break, we can only imagine how much time they can pack in over the summer hours.

Stats like these make most of us – whether educators, parents, or both, raise our eyebrows. In fact, this astronomical usage of technology just might make you want to ban anything with electricity from your students. Listen closely- don’t do that.

Recently I challenged a group of students that I work with to go on a tech-free diet, and it did NOT go over well. Seriously, by the look on their faces you would of thought that I drove a bus full of kittens off a cliff. For a moment, I was actually afraid for my life. I slowly backed away from the adolescent lynch mob and decided to research the effects of technology on youth a wee bit more. I was convinced that my google scholar search was going to signal gloom-and-doom for our kids. Right?

Perhaps not.

A recent report by the MacArthur Foundation, which included more than 800 U.S. parents and teenagers in a three-year study, opposes the common view that surfing the internet, social networking, and playing media games are always counterproductive for young people.

The study’s author, Dr. Mimi Ito, states, “They are learning how to communicate online, craft a public identity, create a home page, post links. All these things were regarded as sophisticated ten years ago, but young people today take them for granted.” Dr. Ito states that students connect today through social networking and online forums, replacing former gathering places at the mall or parks. The internet also provides students the opportunity to move from social networking to expanding their interests: exploring digital media and “geeking out” by diving into specialized areas of interest, such as animation, gaming, business, or music production.

We can’t get rid of technology, nor should we. It is a fantastic tool when used properly and is obviously here to stay. We should, however, help them regulate their usage of this tantalizing tool. How? Making them change their online habits will most certainly backfire. As a teen behavior expert, I have learned that forcing students to do anything invites rebellion; however, offering them alternative choices with comparative outcomes invites thinking.

5 Alternative Choices For Technology Usage:

    1.    Social/Mobile Gaming. Instead of building an imaginary “Farmville” with people who don’t know or care about you, play games that your loved ones will like. (Example: Words with Friends.) Only play with those who you care about and desire to spend more time with. If you help your grandpa download a game application of his choosing to his nifty new iPhone, you will spend more quality time having fun with him this summer than the sum of all previous efforts. Deepen the relationships that matter by using fun games that keep you connected.
    
    2.    Social Network Promotion. You could waste time recruiting fans for your pointless fanpage called “I feel my phone vibrate when it doesn’t”. Or you could create a page for a summer project that could have a positive community impact, such as a fan page for a worthy nonprofit organization or an individual or family with a medical or financial need. Consider local soup kitchens, homeless shelters, outreaches to the poor, literacy and educational programs, etc. How can technology and social networking be put to use to assist them? Think about the issues and outreaches that other students are currently involved in or interested in. How can you rally their efforts to create an “army of support” for an organization or individual?

    3.    Create Social/Political Awareness. You could slandering the name of politicians or ex-friends that you despise and promote hatred and division. Or you could be positive in all of your communication. T.H.I.N.K before you post. Ask yourself “Is what I am about to post TRUE, HELPFUL, INSPIRING, NECESSARY, or KIND?” If you don’t pass that filter test, don’t post it. The more positive you are, the more positive others will be towards you. It’s called “the law of reciprocity” and you will be blown away at how kindness attracts more kindness.

    4.    Post YouTube Videos: You could waste hours watching videos of cats being trapped in mailboxes (don’t judge me) or you could start a YouTube channel offering advice about common youth issues like peer pressure and relational drama. Be a leader and an example to other young people. You would be amazed at how many young people are looking for answers to problems. YouTube is the third most used search engine online. If you post a helpful video and tag it correctly, you will attract youth that need help.

    5.    Set Online Boundaries: You could keep your gadgets on 100% of the time, driving you to utter exhaustion and over-stimulation with countless alerts. Or you could set strict boundaries with all of your gadget usage. Make time in your week to help out around the house, get a job, or spend quality time with your family. Don’t allow gadget addiction to own your life. Prove that you have power over the need to be connected by giving yourself just a few hours a day to connect online with those who matter. Spend the rest of your time enjoying “old school” summer pleasures like fishing in solitude, hiking with a group, or face to face conversation with your best friend.

Practice makes improvement

The Interdisciplinary Research Consortium on Stress, Self-Control and Addiction (IRCSSA) based at the Yale Stress Center (YSC) has collaborated with over 50 leading scientists to develop new prevention and treatment strategies to enhance self-control, and decrease addictive behaviors. Their findings have shown empirical evidence that self control is a renewable resource that can be increased through suitable “exercise.” Self control is like a muscle that can be strengthened and improved.

If we can help students manage their most valued tool (technology) during the most expendable season of their year (summer), they will be better prepared to exercise self control in many other areas. Mastering self governance will prove to be foundational to make wise and healthy choices in the coming year, and for the rest of their life.

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Josh Shipp is an internationally recognized Teen Behavior Expert & host of JUMP SHIPP on Halogen. He has spoken at Harvard, Stanford and to over two million teens and parents.

CLICK HERE to Work With Josh

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